Those Flagging Ads on Craigslist

If you ever get flagged for an advertisement on Craigslist, do yourself a favor. Just delete the ad. Throw away whatever you were trying to sell. Get a divorce. Give away your children. Move to Siberia. Grow a beard. Shave your head. Knit yourself a scarf made from wolves’ tongues. Change your name. Lock the door and throw away the key.

Or just try to figure it out for yourself.

But for God’s sake, don’t ask for help in the Craigslist Flagging Help Forum. The absolute best that will come of it is that you will know, without a doubt, how much you absolutely suck as a human being. And there are at least 500,000 users waiting there to jump on your thread and tell you, as quickly as possible, how much of an asshole you are for trying to sell your stupid shit.

“That stuff you wanted to sell was probably stolen. Did you go to college? You probably didn’t go to college. Your parents were never married. They found you in the garbage. And no one likes you. Or your face. Certainly not your stuff. Did you try to use prose in your advertisement? Oh, that’s why it was flagged. Prose is strictly forbidden on Craigslist unless one of the literary scholars who joined back in the 90s likes your post and puts in on the best of Craigslist. But it’s all who you know, isn’t it? I mean, these days, it’s all about the network. Sorry, dude, no rest for the weary.”

I’m paraphrasing. Well, except for the dude part. You can’t make that up. At some point in a useless argument, the lesser of two evils will bow out by saying, “Okay dude, whatever.” The final insult. The conversation ends because there’s no more wit to be spit. But you need to know, when people say “okay, dude” on Craigslist, they’re really saying “Fuck off, Dicknose.” They don’t really think you’re a dude.

You know that old meme about how many 5-year-olds could a person take on in a fight? I think they were talking about Craigslist, because the forums are full of them.